The Leper From Krypton!!

In a rare move for the era, Action Comics 363 through 366 (May-Aug. 1968) feature a storyline stretching over a whopping four months, and Superman for one is just sick about it. Thanks to writer Leo Dorfman and artists Ross Andru and Mike Esposito, he becomes “The Leper From Krypton.”

The trouble begins in Metropolis Prison when Lex Luthor is allowed to work in a biochemical lab designed for experiments on animal diseases. “What harm can he do here?” asks the warden, to which Luthor (and we) respond, “Will the fools never learn?”

Luthor exposes a test tube of deadly microbes to rays from a Green Kryptonite rock (which he found while “working on the prison rockpile”) and thus replicates that deadly scourge of Krypton, Virus X.

Later, a ventriloquist puts on a show in the prison auditorium and draws boos when he produces a dummy resembling Superman. When the enraged prisoners begin hurling objects at the performer, Luthor joins in by throwing his shoe, inside of which he’s hidden his vial of Virus X. In this way, Luthor and the ventriloquist — who we learn is an Eeeeeevil ventriloquist, manage to smuggle the substance to the outside.

In an out-of-left-field twist, we learn that the ventriloquist (named Ventor…naturally) has previously hypnotized Clark Kent and programmed him to destroy Superman(!). Armed with the Virus X, Clark sneaks into his own apartment when his clouded memory suggests it’s a place the Man of Steel frequents. Pouring the virus sample on a pillow, he accidentally gets some on his hand and in the temporary, virus-induced hysteria that follows, he remembers who he is.

Worse, he remembers what Virus X is; brought to Krypton centuries before his birth by visitors from space, it induced disfiguring leprosy, followed by mummification, in an alarmingly short time, leading to icky scenes like this:

Is it just me, or is that a really gruesome scene? And what kind of parent leaves a dangerous device like that sitting around on the floor for their toddler to touch? All that Kryptonian science and they still use space heaters?

With a cure impossible, victims were removed to a remote location to die, away from healthy populations.

On the plus side, it’s just as well they finally found a use for that location. For whatever reason, the developer could never recruit many investors for a resort community called “Pestilence Valley.”

When word reaches Luthor through the prison grapevine that Superman has contracted Kryptonian Leprosy, he attaches spark plugs to a mixing bowl to make a thought-projecting hat that pre-empts all TV transmissions (for the record, this never works for me).

Once word gets out, nobody wants Superman’s help any more; they just want him to leave. Hiding out in an alley, he’s accidentally touched by a cat and what happens next confirms the virus does indeed affect Earth creatures.

Superman decides to leave Metropolis that night, but first stops by the empty offices of the Daily Planet as Clark Kent to clean up his desk and leave a goodbye note. Unfortunately, Lois Lane is working late and walks in on him, giving us the cliff-hanger that leads in to Part Two.

To prevent Lois from seeing that Clark has leprosy, he changes to Superman at super-speed, then says his goodbyes from a safe distance.

The UN calls on the top doctors of all nations to find a cure for Virus X, but they come up empty. Then Luthor sends another transmission, claiming he can cure Superman any time he wants. “Remember the cat he infected?” he asks. “I’ve arranged for the Humane Society to bring it to the corner of 10th and Main in one hour. I’ll cure it before your eyes!”

Okay, now first of all, I’m not sure how Luthor can arrange anything with the Humane Society from prison, or why they’d go along with him. But the bigger issue is why anyone would know what he’s talking about. No, they don’t “remember the cat he infected.” How could they? Superman was alone in the alley when it happened.

Anyway, workers in containment suits deliver the cat to the specified address, where a “weird force” strikes it and restores its health and shiny coat of fur. Luthor says he’ll do the same for Superman (except the fur) if he’s given a million dollars and his freedom. Superman is against the idea, but the authorities cave in and send the money to Luthor’s men by rocket, only to find he can’t really cure Superman; it was all a scam pulled off with a “ringer” cat.

Okay, more problems, here. We already know the real cat is dead, and so does Superman, so he shouldn’t have been fooled for a moment. For that matter, even though we don’t see it happen, the only responsible thing for him to do would have been to dispose of that cat’s body before he left the alley, preferably by throwing it into the sun or something. If he just walked away with it lying there dead, then whatever scavengers and/or sanitation workers touched the corpse would contract Virus X and begin its spread across all of Earth.

Though they couldn’t cure him, the UN doctors at least managed to create a “plexiglass” coating around Superman that keeps him from infecting others, so he heads for the Fortress of Solitude and meets with Supergirl. Kara’s idea is to project him into the Phantom Zone to await a cure for Virus X, but the Zone prisoners combine their mental powers to make it impossible for him to enter.

Having run out of options, Superman says goodbye to Earth, and life itself.

And so we’re on to the third stage of our prolonged illness.

As Superman’s coffin/ship speeds through space, word of his imminent demise spreads to alien worlds, and as he passes them he uses his super-vision to observe their reactions. On most planets, there is grief and mourning, but when he passes Lexor, the planet named in Luthor’s honor, he fully expects to find its population jubilant. What he sees is a surprise: Faced with proof that their hero Luthor is a murderer, the Lexorians turn against him. With their famous knack for overreacting, they burn all the science books he’s given to their libraries and smash all the inventions he’s developed to help them. Then we get this scene which eerily prefigures real-world events in Iraq and the former Soviet Union:

When I wrote earlier about the history of Lexor, I had no idea this little scene ever took place, and indeed it can be argued it never did, since in 1983 we’ll find Lexor still favorable to Lex, and his statue in one piece right where he left it. Still it makes for an interesting “alternate ending” to the Lexor saga.

Nearing his own end, Superman’s life flashes before his eyes, and ours too, as the rest of the issue recounts the hero’s life story from Krypton to Smallville to the first appearance of Kryptonite, the origin of Luthor, Superboy’s induction into the Legion of Super-Heroes, his romances with Lori Lemaris and Lois Lane, Brainiac‘s capture of Kandor, Supergirl’s arrival on Earth, Superman’s partnership with Batman and Robin and his adventures as Nightwing in Kandor, etc. In other words, this issue is a “clip show,” without which this whole saga could have been wrapped up a month early.

Then comes an unexpected twist as a pair of Bizarros pay tribute to the dying Superman in their own backward fashion.

“Poor, idiotic Bizarros!’ thinks Superman. “Red Kryptonite has only temporary effects on me, and I’m dying anyway! As for White K, it only destroys plant life!”

And so Superman hurtles on, drawing close at last to the hottest sun in the Universe, which Dorfman creatively names Flammbron. And we hurtle…or is it limp?…on to Part Four.

As Superman’s ship begins to disintegrate in the sun, it’s rescued at the last moment by the Flammbronians, “beings of living flame” who inhabit a crystalline planet. Superman emerges from the ship to find himself miraculously cured of his malady. After some thought, he realizes the Bizarros inadvertently cured him when they exposed him to that White Kryptonite.

The Flammbronians reveal they’ve helped Superman to repay him for saving a member of their race in a past adventure. Elated by this last-minute save, Superman returns to Earth, but is miffed to find no signs of mourning. A monument in his honor has been abandoned half-finished, flags are not flying at half-staff, and (worst of all) stores are selling Superman playsuits at marked-down prices.

Investigating further, he finds the reason people aren’t missing him is because…well, he’s still around! As he looks on in amazement, another Superman performs super life-saving feats in Metropolis, in the ocean and around the world. An old newspaper story claims Superman returned to Earth soon after leaving, having been cured by the cleansing effects of the alien sun’s heat.

Putting the clues together, Superman heads to the Justice League‘s secret sanctum and confirms his suspicions; the “second” Superman is actually multiple Superman, all with familiar faces.

Okay, Aquaman and J’Onn J’Onzz I get, but why are Flash and Batman wearing the masks over their cowls? Anyway, we learn that Supergirl has contacted Kandorian officials about selecting a replacement for Superman (thus giving us our rather misleading cover) and while they deliberate on that issue, the JLA is pitching in by subbing for Superman.

And so all’s well that ends well.

Wow, four issues…four months to tell that story? I suppose it’s not without its moments, but really the whole thing could have been told in a single issue or, given the shorter length of Action Comics tales, maybe two. To drag this out over four months is just insane, and the whole thing has the feel of a time-wasting exercise, as if DC had fallen behind schedule and was looking for a way to catch up. This is especially true of issue 365, the drawn-out “clip show” that does almost nothing to move us forward.

In truth, the same thing had been done before in a single issue, and yes it was better. Back in October of 1962, Superman #156 gave us the clasic “Last Days of Superman,” in which our hero spends what he thinks are his last days of life trying to complete all the unfinished business of his great career. That one had scope, pathos and though it may not have seemed like it at the time, brevity. It also introduced us to the first version of “Virus X,” which didn’t involve leprosy at all, just debilitating fatique and fading life signs. (And from my point of view, it was drawn a lot better. I was never a fan of Andru and Esposito, which doesn’t help here).

There are several problems with this story, including the bit with the cat and the needlessly complicated method of infecting Superman by brainwashing Clark Kent. But the biggest come at the beginning and end, and deal with the virus itself. First, I just can’t see how exposing an Earthly virus to Kryptonite would somehow magically re-engineer its DNA into a Kryptonian virus. And second, while it’s anyone’s guess how Luthor even knew about this piece of Kryptonian history, it’s a given that Superman knows about it. And what he doesn’t know, he’d be sure to try and find out using microscopic vision, in a search for a cure. Once he realized (if he didn’t already know) that it was plant-based, he’d have tried the white kryptonite immediately. Also, I’m no doctor, but you always hear that viral infections are totally different from bacterial infections, so how can this one be both?

Maybe the answer is that this leprosy is a bacterial infection and not a virus at all. Luthor doesn’t know about the real Virus X so he gives the name to this one because it sounds catchy. Or maybe we should just ignore the whole story, since it contradicts not only that better earlier tale but also (in the Lexor scene) a story yet to come.

But that might be too much to ask; four months spent on a story that’s not even canon? That would be enough to make anyone sick.