League of Extraordinary Oddballs: THE FERRET

In Man of War Comics #2, Cal Dalton finds himself in a tough spot.  He has a burning desire to bring criminals to justice, but he’s stuck in a boring, dead-end government job as…umm…the Police Commissioner. Obviously that’s not going to help with the whole “justice” crusade, so what to do? 

Adopt a superhero identity, of course. Hey, it’s all the rage in 1942, and nothing thrills the kids of America like a crimefighter with a cool animal name.  But gee, all the good ones are taken: we’ve already got a Batman, a Cat-Man, lots of variations on lions, tigers and panthers and birds of prey like eagles, hawks, ravens and falcons.  What’s left?  Wait, I know…a ferret!

Of course, we’ll need a cool costume, so let’s have a blue bodysuit with red trunks like that other guy, but we’ll leave off the “S” and the boots, so it’s not really stealing.  Add a yellow cape and a mask that looks like a ferret pelt and we’re done! Fear my wrath, evil-doers!

So let’s see, what nefarious crimes can we battle today? A diabolical mastermind with a fearsome death ray? Enemy spies trying to subvert the war effort? Super-thugs staging a daring raid on Fort Knox? Nope, something worse than all of those put together: the Mob is hijacking milk trucks and spilling their precious cargo onto the streets!  Oh the humanity! Such aggressive acts of lactose intolerance are un-American enough already, but when the fiends destroy a shipment of milk on its way to a local hospital, brother that’s the last straw (ahem).

Our hero Cal Dalton dismisses the city’s law enforcement system as an ineffectual farce and seeing as how he’s the Police Commissioner, I guess he ought to know.

Murders, arson, armed robberies and assaults we’ll just have to learn to live with, but dammit man, this is MILK!  Literally a Grade A crime! Time for The Ferret to do what the police can’t.

We never get an origin story or an explanation of what powers our hero even has, but as seems only logical, Dalton exhibits the full powers of a Ferret.  You know, like the power of flight.

Oh, and super-strength. Yeah, he has the proportionate strength of a ferret.

On the downside, he does have a tendency to get a bit over-excited and lose sight of his goals. 

Umm.. Ferret? I think you’re here to SAVE the milk?

Also, ferrets apparently have a nasty streak of sarcasm.

The Ferret tracks down the headquarters of the gang and intimidates them with his famous game of “Got Your Nose.”

Oh, and he’s bullet-proof.  Or his costume is, or something.  Oh, who even knows?

With the whole gang of dastardly milk-spillers knocked unconscious, the Ferret adds insult to injury by ripping the roof off of their house for no particular reason.  I’m telling you, don’t mess with ferrets, man.

Yep, just adding some ventilation, you milk terrorists. Smell that dairy air.

Alas, like Mr Whiskers, The Ferret only manages a single appearance. Nonetheless the day is won, the Milk Mob is back in the jug and little kids everywhere get their Vitamin D again.  Most importantly, Police Commissioner Dalton got a break from his humdrum day job with a hobby that lets him actually capture criminals.   And, clever fellow that he is, he’s snatched up the last cool “fighting animal” name left in the superhero biz after 1942.

Oh wait, what about “Wolverine”?

DAMN IT!!!!