“Acquital Is Not An Option”

The latest “fun with language” news comes — surprise! — from Wacklyand, D.C. and centers on Attorney General Eric Holder’s plans to try 9/11 villain Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and four alleged co-conspirators in civilian court.  In answer to criticisms from Republicans that he risks freeing some of the world’s worst terrorists, Holder assures the nation that “acquital is not an option.”

This will come as news to anyone still laboring under the assumption that American juries are  allowed to make up their own minds when trying a case.  No doubt he meant to say that given the preponderence of evidence, there’s absolutely no doubt that a jury will find him guilty.  You know, like they did that guy who left a bloody glove at the scene of his crime and ran away from police in a high-speed chase that was watched by millions on cable TV.  Yep, it’s in the bag.

Holder got some help from his boss this week, sort of.  When asked to address those Americans who find it offensive that the terrorists are being afforded constitutional protections, President Obama answered that they won’t find it “offensive at all when he’s convicted and when the death penalty is applied to him.”

So you see, he’s guaranteed to be convicted.  The President promised it.

Besides the fact that nothing these guys says will convince his political opponents (or much of anyone else) that a conviction is in the bag,  you have to wonder how statements like this are received on “the Arab street.”  If the object of dragging the terrorists out of the  media black hole of Gitmo is to show the world how the new administration plans to do things — up front and out in the open — then it’s probably not so brilliant to imply the whole thing is a show trial with a foregone conclusion.

Yes, folks, not to worry.  The evil Bush-era days of detainment without trial are over for good.  Now we promise you a fair trial for every terrorist, followed by a swift execution.  Now that’s change we can believe in.