1975: Clark Kent Forever, Superman Never

Despite appearing on newsstands in December of 1975, Superman #297 did not feature a holiday-themed story, but it still added up to a Christmas of sorts for Clark Kent.  Emerging at last from the long shadow of his Superman alter ego, the perennial “mild mannered reporter” finally got his moment in the sun, free at last to stand up to bullies, engage in romance and even charge into heroic action against a band of high-tech gangsters.

In the previous issue, a mysterious phenomenon had left the Man of Steel super-powerful only when dressed in his battle costume, and powerless in his Clark Kent street clothes.  Convinced this complication would make the continuance of his dual identity impossible (despite other heroes managing similar arrangements all the time), Superman resolved to choose between one persona or the other: either be a superhero 24/7 or hang up the cape for good and live a “normal” life as mere mortal Clark Kent.

This month, he tries out the “All Clark, All the Time” approach, vowing to shelve the famous red-and-blue costume and forego any super feats for a full week.  That is, after he deals with the scary streak of orange flame he spots on the Metropolis skyline while piloting the WGBS news helicopter.  Emanating from nearby Olympus Observatory, the fearsome fireball is headed straight for the city.  Surely this qualifies as one last job for Superman.

Last month, we witnessed Clark’s newfound difficulty performing rapid costume changes given that his super-speed doesn’t kick in until he’s completely removed all his street clothes.  And yet, here he still manages to strip down to his Kryptonian tights before the flame can reach the city, even though that cockpit sure seems like cramped quarters for undressing. I can’t even imagine changing clothes in my car, much less at the controls of a helicopter in flight, and surely not so quickly.

The once-again super Superman streaks out of the copter, but don’t worry about it crashing on the city below, because he’s “set the controls to hover.”  Automatic hovering was a new, developing and wildly expensive feature available in some high-end military copters in the 70s, but of course WGBS owner Morgan Edge believes in supplying only the best gear for his company, so naturally he’d have it installed on the Flying Newsroom.  Of course, even with “auto-hover” engaged, leaving the aircraft entirely is not recommended procedure, but in Clark’s defense, let’s remember he is a TV anchorman in the 1970s, and somewhere even now Ron Burgundy’s RV is speeding down the highway with no one at the wheel because Ron has engaged “Cruise Control.”

A blast of super-breath fails to extinguish the big orange flame, as does a wave of water.  Finally, Superman successfully smothers the flame in a funnel of sand, tracing the fireball back to its source at the observatory and knocking out the crooks who’ve somehow turned a harmless telescope into a flame-throwing menace.

Bringing the chopper in for a perfect landing (no doubt he used the “auto-land” setting), Clark hands his camera to Morgan Edge, who’s eager to broadcast the captured images of Superman in action.  But of course, there are no such images as Superman has used his x-ray vision to fog the film, a mishap the film lab technician will later blame – just as Clark hoped – on that crazy orange fireball in the sky.  This subterfuge is necessary since, as Clark muses, “I couldn’t have caught myself on film,” even though Peter Parker manages to do that sort of thing all the time, leaving a camera unattended and dangling from a web to somehow capture perfectly framed and focused photos of himself in action as Spider-Man.  Maybe Clark and Pete should swap notes on self-guided cameras and auto-hovering helicopters.

Returning to his apartment, Clark hangs up the super-suit to start his weeklong trial run at retirement.  Amusingly, a peek into his closet reveals the costume is the only variation in a sea of identical blue business suits.

Meanwhile in the apartment next door, the mysterious Xviar, secret agent from an unnamed alien planet, reports back to his superiors that everything’s going to plan.  Somehow, he’s the one behind Superman’s current predicament, and whatever’s afoot will lead to Earth’s destruction.  Once Clark leaves the building, Xviar uses his super-science to walk through the wall into Clark’s apartment in search of artifacts that will aid his plot.

We then cut to an “exclusive” restaurant, where Clark and Lois wait to be joined by sportscaster Steve Lombard, who arrives in his usual overbearing, bullying manner but finds to his surprise that the worm has turned.

Outside the restaurant (did they ever get to eat their lunch or were they thrown out after this indecorous display?), Lois looks on with newfound admiration and Steve with bitter resentment as Clark wanders off for a walk. He doesn’t make it far before witnessing a calamity in progress as the subway is suddenly flooded by raging rapids. Instinctively Clark begins to change to Superman before remembering that he can’t; the suit is still hanging in his closet and without it, he’s just a man (and if he keeps stripping, a naked one). Luckily, the fire department quickly arrives and soon has the crisis under control, reassuring Clark that the world got along well enough before Superman and it’ll manage just fine after he’s gone.

Meanwhile in the Bottle City of Kandor, scientists who apparently monitor Superman’s every move (which is a bit creepy – and where are their cameras?) are at a loss to understand why Clark didn’t perform a super-feat to resolve the subway crisis.  They use their computer to play a video of what Superman *should* have done, using super-breath, heat vision and superspeed friction to end the flooding. This odd interlude in Kandor seems to come completely out of left field, and one suspects it’s someone’s way of meeting a quota for panels of Superman in action (even if only computer-simulated action)  so young readers didn’t feel cheated out of their hard earned quarters.

Back at his apartment, Clark is surprised to find Lois at his door with a bag of groceries.  Apparently, guys who make boorish spectacles of themselves in fancy restaurants are catnip for the girl reporter, who offers to cook Clark dinner.  And then things really start to cook…

Clark and Lois make out…and perhaps much more. Fans would speculate for years about exactly what happened in the time it took us to turn from Page 12 to 13; did they or didn’t they?  Lois’ attitude at the office the next day suggests maybe they did.

Across town, Clark is covering a protest that threatens to devolve into a full-scale riot until Superman appears and calms the crowd with his commanding presence.  Of course it’s not Superman at all, but actor Gregory Reed, famous for playing the hero on film and TV.  The name is an obvious nod to George Reeves, but it’s great how it would soon end up working just as well as an analog for Christopher Reeve.  Anyway, Reed’s appearance in costume feels like another attempt to meet a quota for “Superman” panels in a story that places the hero on the sidelines.

Elsewhere, the baddies of Intergang are growing increasingly frustrated with Superman’s weeklong inactivity. It turns out that exposure to the orange sun-powered fireball at the start of the story was designed to irradiate Superman’s body in a way that would cause him to fatally burst into flame the next time he used his powers…only for some reason, he’s not using them. (We know why, but they don’t.)

Back at the office, Morgan Edge tries to saddle Clark with an assignment he really doesn’t want.  Clark is very vocal in his objections, calling Edge names and yanking his ever-present cigarette holder out of his mouth.  Clark suggests sending Steve Lombard in his stead, a development that sits poorly with Steve, who comes looking for Clark with murder in mind.  But it’s okay; the two coworkers settle their differences like gentlemen. Just kidding; they get into a fistfight in the elevator.

Okay, I have to pause here and mention how cool it is to see Steve in that trendy Lee Majors-style leisure suit, complete with rolled up cuffs.  I remember cajoling my folks into buying me a plaid (!) Sears ToughSkins leisure suit so I could dress the same way and look “just like” The Six Million Dollar Man.  Of course it didn’t have quite the same cool factor when worn by a skinny 10-year-old, but in my head I was a bionic wonder.

Anyway all this tough guy stuff apparently proves addictive to Clark, who decides to risk his life in a physical assault on Intergang.  Borrowing an anti-gravity device from his friend Professor Pepperwinkle, he breaks into Intergang’s mobile hideout and uses the gadget to disorient the bad guys by floating them off their feet.  Having clocked countless hours of flying time over the years, Clark is able to quickly adapt to the zero-G environment and makes short work of the gang.

With this accomplished, Clark ends his day by taking Lois back to his place with the promise of a “great romantic view of the apartment across the street” (as seen from his bedroom, no doubt).  Meanwhile, next door, Xviar has assembled a set of otherworldly jewels he’s pilfered from Clark’s apartment, certain that with them he can destroy Superman and the Earth. 

To be continued.

Boy did I love this issue as a kid. As noted, the addition of the “super-feat” computer simulation in Kandor and Greg Reed’s appearance in the super-suit suggests the editors were worried about complaints from young readers wondering “Where is Superman in this Superman comic,” but I for one delighted in the focus on long-suffering Clark Kent.  This issue was the equivalent of Charlie Brown at last getting to kick that blasted football (or better yet, Lucy’s head) and I enjoyed every page of it.

That said, the whole affair is suffused with a very 70s “macho” ethos, where being a “real man” means hitting harder, yelling louder and walking with more swagger than any other guy in the room. Lois witnesses Clark’s petulant table-tossing tantrum in an “exclusive” restaurant (an arguably disproportionate response to having water splashed down one’s chin) and far from being mortified, she is obviously turned on, asking Steve, “How do you like finding out that milksop Clark Kent is capable of acting like a man?” Likewise the eternally domineering Morgan Edge responds to Clark’s insolence and insubordination not by firing him but by assuming a submissive posture in the presence of the new alpha male in the office. Confronted by Steve in the elevator, Clark answers physical assault in kind and there’s nary a hint Human Resources will have a problem with any of it.  Remember kids, a real man bulldozes his way through life, and to the victor goes the spoils.  Accept no insults, meet violence with violence and never let your boss stick you with a task you don’t like; women will love you for your ability to beat up other guys and your boss will probably promote you for telling him where to get off.

But of course, however wrong any of that might seem to a casual bystander, it all works wonderfully for those of us who’ve been following the book for a while: we know how much Clark has had to put up with from Edge and Lombard, so this payback seems well deserved and overdue for us as well as Clark. And who didn’t want to see poor old Clark Kent finally get his chance to make Lois forget Superman by sweeping her off her feet, a moment almost 40 years in the making?  For her part, Lois is sweet and vulnerable here in a way I’d never seen her, making this the first time I ever regarded her as a love interest worth pursuing. Indeed, there’s a bit of a suggestion here that in her own way, Lois is as tired and frustrated by the eternal “triangle” as Clark is, and becoming involved with her formerly unassuming coworker may provide her with her first real shot at happiness after years of chasing the unattainable. I was really rooting for these two kooky kids.  Alas – spoilers! – Clark’s macho makeover will soon prove temporary, leaving poor Lois wondering whatever happened to that guy she fell in love with for one magical week in 1975, and imbuing the phrase “Beef Bourguignon” with a lingering emotional significance for those of us in the know.

Anyway, the week-long, Clark-centric experiment ends all too quickly and with the next issue – spoilers again! — Superman’s costumed identity will return to the forefront, shoving Kent out of the picture entirely.  Will the perks of super-powers and public adulation prove a fair trade for the joys of romance and bully-bashing?  Is the respect and adoration of all of humanity worth the price of never fitting into it?  Tune in next month to find out.