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Legion of Super-Pre-Schoolers

Jason and Scott have decided on a career as superheroes.  Last night they asked me to quiz them on their new identities, and  here’s the upshot:

Jason will be known as “Super-Jason” and Scott will be “Super-Scott.”  Both have super-strength and speed and the power of invisibility, invulnerability and flight.  So far, so good.

In the time-honored tradition of superheroics, their costumes will feature chest insignias.  Super-Jason gets a large “J” with a lightning bolt.  Super-Scott?  “An ‘R’.” Jason suggests this might be a subtle ruse: convince the bad guys you are the non-powered Boy Wonder, Robin, then hit ’em with your super-powers.  Scott said that sounded good, though I can’t be sure that was what he originally had in mind.

I asked if they had any crime-fighting vehicles in their arsenals and Jason said, “Yes, I’ve got a helicopter, a motorcycle and a Jasonmobile.”  And Scotty?  “I’ve got a bike.”

Okay, so Scott’s taking the whole do-gooder bit a step further and reducing his carbon footprint, fair enough.  Any crime-fighting animal partners, like Krypto the superdog or Ace the Bat-hound?  “Nope,” says Jason.  And Scott?  “No.  Wait…yes!!”  Okay, and your animal helper would be?  “A giraffe!”

So a crime-fighting giraffe.  At last a new wrinkle on things.  So would the giraffe ever ride the bicycle?  “Yes, but it’s only got one wheel.  The other one came off.” Alas, even superheroes are feeling the effects of the economic downturn.

And yet I think it still could have worked until we got down to weaknesses.  Superman has his Kryptonite, the Martian Manhunter has fire…what are the weaknesses of Super-Jason and Super-Scott?

At this point, a very serious look comes over Jason’s face as he tells me in a somber tone, “Trees that reach down and grab you.”  Okay, fair enough.  That’d probably be enough to do in anybody, but thankfully it doesn’t come up all that often.

And Super-Scott’s weakness?  “Bad guys!”

Maybe it’s time to consider another line of work there, buddy.

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